That's alright because I like the way it hurts.

Yes, I am officially basing my blog around a song that features Rihanna, the singer I have on many occasions said I have an 'irrational hatred' of. Lately, though, I have warmed to a couple of her songs. 'Rude Boy', for example, is pretty cool...if a little boring to my ears now, and 'Te Amo' has a cool Summery vibe about it, which I like. Of course, the song in question today is the Eminem one that she is featured on, 'Love The Way You Lie'.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
Love the way you lie
It makes sense, it really does. It seems to me that most people will feel at least a little like this at some point in their lives, some more than others. It's that feeling where you're pretty certain that some person in your life isn't really that fussed about you, that they're just taking advantage of your good nature or whatever, but you're somehow ok with that because a life with them hurting you seems to be better than a life without them at all.

Like the way it hurts.
Not necessarily the pain itself, rather the feeling that that person is still there, that they're in your life. For some reason, if you care about them that much, it doesn't matter whether the only way you really feel them in your life is through the pain they cause you, as long as you still feel their presence. It's that whole idea of wanting the pain purely so you feel something, making you feel real and safe, regardless of whether you actually are. When writing about it objectively, it seems so stupid, but when you're in the situation there is no objectivity, you stick with it because you don't want to think about the alternative, the life without them. Perhaps the thought is too scary, or perhaps you just love them too much.

Love the way you lie.
Of course you do. It means that, even for a second, you can believe that they are the person you want them to be, the friend they always say they are. Their actions often say otherwise, but occasionally they might do or say something completely amazing, that pulls you right back and makes you give them a second chance. In life, in friendships and romantic relationships and many other situations, we all want to believe the lies, we love them, because they give us that false hope. It's like the semi-famous saying, 'lies are easier to believe than the truth'. And they are. We tell white lies all the time, to stop ourselves from hurting someone else. Sometimes that's fine, but I'm a firm believer that honesty really is the best policy in the majority of circumstances. Especially if the person kinda knows the truth already, and your lies are just helping feed their fantasy, helping them to ignore the truth and lie to themselves. All this reminds me of the Paramore lyric: If you wanna play this like a game, well come on, come on let's play. Cuz I'd rather waste my time pretending, than have to forget you for one whole minute. I get it, I do, but it's always struck me as odd. Of course you don't want to forget the person, but there comes a time when enough really is enough.

I guess what I'm saying is that, so often in our lives, we're willing to believe lies and we're willing to get hurt, purely because it seems easier than just walking away. If we ever get a glimpse of a life away from that, though, we can see that, actually, it's not so bad. In fact, it's often even better. The truth does hurt, it hurts a whole lot, but it also sets you free. So, in the long run, I can't see how it's not the better option. After putting up with so much hurt, I guess it would be a relief to finally walk away, despite how difficult it might be at first.

So, I guess I should say GO RIHANNA! And, of course, Eminem, but saying he rules has never been as difficult as admitting my newfound love of some of Rihanna's work. Eminem's just amazing anyway. :)

Hero.

<3

For Matthew.

I don't even know what to say. Some of the worst news in a long time has just reached me, and I suddenly feel so lazy for having my lie in and hearing about it so much later. Just. Ohmygod.

I have so little faith in humanity right now. So little faith in the world. Yet so so so much faith in certain people. It fills me with happiness to know that there are some people who do give a damn. The thing is, in a world full of hate and pain and violence, is that seemingly small group of people enough? I guess it has to be.



^^
This man, Matthew Leone, is one person whom I have the utmost faith in. He is one person who will do anything to help you out. He is amazing. And guess what? He's paying for it. Where is the justice in that? One of my heroes, one of the nicest, truest people out there is currently lying in a hospital bed, a third of his skull removed, fighting for his life. And why? Because he cared. He saw a woman being abused, and tried to help.

I try so hard to make sense of this world, but it seems it just won't make sense. All I can do is try my best to live in it, and be the best person I can be. For Matthew, if for no-one else. The response to this event from fellow River People has been amazing. It has been so beautiful and strong, and reminds me of all the good out there. But it only helps a fraction with the pain and anger inside me right now. This sort of thng should not happen. It should not have happened to that poor woman, and it should not have happened to Matthew.

I do not know what else to say. I don't even know if what I have said makes any sense at all. But I needed to write. I needed to respond to this in my own way.

Please, Matthew, keep fighting. Stay strong. Get better soon.

All my love to Madina, their friends, their families and, as always, the ever-amazing River People. <3

You Make Me Wanna Die.

Everything looks better when the sun goes down.

I am completely obsessed with this song at the moment. The video isn't anything too special, just your standard music video really, but I don't think it needs to be. It's hard to believe that a voice like that comes from such a young girl. It's incredible, if just a little bizarre seeing Little J from Gossip Girl singing in a band. I say go Taylor, even though I am ever so slightly jealous of how awesome she is. :P


P.S; I really want these. Ever since seeing Bowling For Soup's video for 'Girl All The Bad Guys Want' I've wanted tartan trousers. No real reason except that they're awesome. One day, they will be mine.

Pandora, my ass.

Oh just get over yourself why don't you?

I tell you, I genuinelly don't understand how some people can be so deluded...their minds wandering so far from the truth I almost feel sorry for them. Almost. You know the type I mean, sitting there in their 'newly decorated bedrooms' (bet it's as disgusting as you are), their 'significant other' named just as that, because it's 'ironic and mysterious' or some such nonsense not to use their name. Everyone knows who the fuck he is, no need to be cryptic.* I'd prefer people to openly pretend they're someone they're not, as opposed to pretending that they're NOT someone they're not. That made no sense. Let me clarify. These people who talk in these hardly passable metaphors, trying to be all creative and unique. Open your eyes, fool, you're far from original. You're just like every other show-off girl, trying to be understated by, oh yeah, crying for attention and claiming you don't want it. Strutting around in your disgusting fur jackets and posing like you're some sort of queen. Come back down to Earth, whore, you're just like everyone else. In fact, I'd be willing to argue that you're worse.

Though I guess it's sods law that you'll always find someone to claim as your own. Maybe us 'mere mortals' are just jealous, yeah? Nahh. I've seen evidence of your so-called relationship. And I've seen the mess left behind. If you're going to act like this perfect couple, at least get better at pretending. Though maybe I'm not giving one half of your pathetic pair enough credit. Afterall, he lies like a pro, not even batting an eyelid. Here's to hoping that he's slightly more honest with you, though I highly doubt it. If he is, then more fool you for putting up with it once again. All in all, it seems the pair of you are perfectly well suited. So go bask in each other's splendidly awful oversized shirts and baggy leggings. Trust me, you're definitely, definitely well suited.


*And yes, I am a hypocrite. How's that for 'ironic', bitch?

No matter how you slice it, it's still FLESH.

So it's come to my attention that I am yet to annoy you all with my vegetarian activism. Okay, so I'm not one of those people that goes around telling everyone they're evil and sits at the dinner table talking shit to those eating meat. Your decision is your decision. However, I am one to stand by my belief that, in general, eating meat is WRONG. And, as I feel the need to update my recently neglected blog yet am currently extremely lacking in inspiration, I thought I'd get the veggie message out there once again. I've grown up a lot since my more dedicated activist days...not that even they were that dedicated, but I still believe wholeheartedly in this, so am using my blog as an excuse to lecture you all to some degree.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XF5RqF9lBM


Chew on that. ^^


The more observant of you will realise that there's a bit of a tyrade against dairy in there as well. I'm putting out there right now that I am not vegan, no matter how much I wish I had the will power to be. Consequently, you may argue I have no right to get all guilt trippy. And you're right, I probably don't. But I'm still a vegetarian, still doing more for these helpless creatures than the majority of the world. I am in no way 'better' than anyone else, nor am I under the illusion that anyone will take what I have to say to heart. But at least my own conscience will be clear. I have, in my time, converted a small number of people to vegetarian, and if I can convert just one more person (or at least open the eyes of at least one more person) then I will be happy.

Now, enough of the rambling. Enough of my pitiful attempts at justifying myself...I shouldn't have to. I just wanted a small disclaimer saying that I am in no way trying to FORCE my beliefs on anyone else. Likewise, I am not claiming to be unbiased, of course I'm biased: hello, vegetarian here!

So to the point, if you hadn't yet grasped it. Every single year, hundred of thousands of animals are kept in dark, uncomfortable squalor until deemed fit for slaughter. They are treated as if they do not matter, no care for the pain they feel, no thanks for the fact that they will be providing the, in many cases, undeserved meal. Not to mention the fact that eating some mushed up dead thing is just plain gross.

No matter how much I go on and on about all this, though, I doubt people haven't heard it all before. Instead, then, I think I will just try to answer some of the arguments given against vegetarianism. Here goes nothing...


"Animals eat other animals. It's nature."

Funnily enough, this just came up on an episode of Futurama that my brothers are watching. On the surface, it seems like a reasonable argument, right? Well...no. First things first, animals do a lot of things that we DON'T do. Some animals eat their own young, yet I see few people arguing for us to do the same. It is also worth mentioning that, as far as we are aware, animals do not have the same level of reasoning that we as humans do. Animals are not fully aware of what is right and wrong, yet we are, and so can be held morally responsible for our behaviour. Finally, yet perhaps most importantly, they need it to survive. Though, this leads onto the next argument.

"We need meat in order to survive, it is unhealthy not to eat meat."

No, mate. If meat were necessary for the survival of human beings, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be sat here typing this now. Vegetarianism CAN be extremely unhealthy if a balanced diet is not maintained and the necessary nutrients gained, though this is the same of any diet. I am in no way suggesting that people sacrifice their health and survival for vegetarianism, not in the slightest. The thing is, whereas our ancestors relied on meat to survive, we now have (in our society, at least) many meat alternatives which means that we no longer need to harm animals. Other animals, however, do not have such options available and so, for them, it would be unhealthy to not eat other animals.


"It tastes good."

I don't even know why I am honouring this one with a response. It seems so obvious to me that one should not have to go through torture, suffering and DEATH merely for the sake of another's tastebuds. That's sick, end of.


"Most animals are actually treated well." // "I only eat free range, so it's fine."

This is fair enough. I will admit, firstly, that many animals bred for meat ARE treated with respect and, if one must eat meat, the animal should at least have been treated well in life. Of course, that doesn't take away from the fact that it was still once a living being, but I guess you all know that anyway and aren't so fussed.



So there we have it, I did my best. I will now say quite openly that I am well aware that it would be extremely impractical if everyone suddenly decided to become vegetarian. Likewise, many people would be out of work if meat was not eaten etcetc. I acknowledge all of this. However, I am also realistic in that vegetarianism will most likely always be a minority view, so my attempting to convert just a few more is hardly going to have to great an effect. You may well argue that me as one individual isn't really helping animals in the grand scheme of things, and you may well be quite right. However, I am personally repulsed by the thought of meat itself. It is not so much the negative treatment, more the fact that I just find it disgusting. And I am entitled to that belief. I've given my view, and I've acknowledged that I have little (note, I say little here, for I cannot deny that I think meat is wrong) against those who do eat meat. At the end of the day, it is an individual decision that I respect. Just make it an informed one.

Bury The Castle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A63VwWz1ij0
[so, apparantly, html hates me and I can't embed this video...]

Go get your shovel, and we'll dig a deep hole to bury the castle, bury the castle.

I didn't get it at first. The words were just that, words, and the video (though I loved it) both intrigued yet disturbed me. On closer listening, however, I realise that there is so much truth in this song. As children, we live in a fantasy world. We don't understand the horrors of the world, and if we do see them we create a new world for ourselves, to break away from the pain we just can't deal with. Whether we had such horrors in our own childhoods or not is irrelevant, because we all lived as a child, we all had childish fantasies and innocent dreams. But as we grow, we realise that the world is far from perfect. We are tempted to stay inside ourselves, we try so hard to hold onto the safe fantasies of our youth.

She lives in a fairytale, somewhere too far for us to find.

But is this wise? Eventually we all have to grow up, we all have to accept the world and live in it. We can't keep ignoring reality forever. We have to accept it and be aware of it, so that we can live in it. I don't think, however, that we should just forget our childhood, forget those naive thoughts. I think a bit of childish, carefree fun is important, and equally necessary to be able to survive in this world. We just can't lose ourselves in it, we need to be able to be found.

Keep your feet on the ground when your head's in the clouds.

We need to learn to find the balance. We can live in our own little world, as long as we don't get lost there completely. Reality must be held onto, because you can't live in this world without accepting that it's not all sunshine and rainbows.

I don't think that "burying the castle" is forgetting that magical world that you've created, we all need an escape. But we also all need to, at some stage and to some extent, grow up. To "bury the castle" is merely letting it be in your past. It is remembering your childhood memories with gladness, and then moving on to your future. When someone dies, you bury them, but they are never forgotten. In the same way, we should never forget our childhood, but we need to at some point accept that it's over, and that we can't live in a fantasy world forever. No, life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but it's not all rainclouds and thunder either. Plus, I think we tend to forget that to see the rainbow, you need the rain.