**This is a very 'un-me' type blog post, to be sure, but something my friend said to me got me thinking that it might be a good topic nonetheless. Now, being bored and needing to update, I return to this thought as no other seems to be appearing in my blogging brain. How sad.**
In a typically girly discussion quite a few days back now, my friend put a most interesting thought into my head: is sex the reason why relationships nowadays breakdown so much more often than those of generations past?
This seems odd. We hear so often of relationships breaking down because of a lack of sex so how on earth could having sex be a contributing factor to break ups and divorce? Let me clarify. Perhaps it is the case that couples in previous generations last longer because they didn't rush into anything, they didn't have sex so early and actually got to know each other first. Relationships were not centred around sex.
Well, this does, to an extent, make sense. Relationships now, at least amongst young adults, do seem predominantly sexual. Relationship = sex. It's pretty much all people seem to talk about. Factor in the amount of unprotected sex, and one night stands, leading to pregnancy and...voila! You're stuck. Ultimately, having sex earlier on, even before the relationship has become a relationship, leads to you having less chance to get to know the person before you actually commit.
Of course, all this is said with the assumption that sex automatically ties in with commitment, with something deeper than the act itself. In today's more sexually permissive society, is this really the case? Most would say not, and so the argument set out by my friend becomes invalid.
Or not. As much as we might like to assure ourselves that sex is just sex, that there is no emotional tie whatsoever, I am inclined to believe that this is not necessarily true. Now, in some cases it most certainly IS true, don't get me wrong. But, especially for girls, sex is often something more. Not necessarily something "special", certainly not always an act of "love" and "commitment", BUT there is some emotion there. We can't help it, it's in our hormones.
Sex doesn't have the same connotations that it had in generations past. It's not always waited for until we're absolutely, completely in love, and that is not a bad thing. But, the thought my friend has is an interesting one. Maybe because we are now so blase about sex, relationships become blase as well. Maybe sex has more of an unconscious effect on us than we are aware of, or like to admit. People have sex, form some unconscious emotional attachment in their head, realise they don't actually like the person and...there you have it, another failed relationship. People go ahead and have sex before they perhaps should and so, indirectly, sex (or rather, rushing into it) could well be the reason (or at least one reason) why so many relationships today end up breaking down.
However, is it really accurate to claim that people today rush into relationships whereas those in the past were thought about with care and consideration, not rushed into at all? No, of course not. If anything, people commited much quicker then than they do now. People married younger, had families younger and, quite often, the relationships were not their own choice. This was all expected of them, so they did it. As it was expected, and divorce was less tolerated, relationships lasted. Nothing to do with sex, moreso with societies views and values. Going with this line of thought, then, relationships now are no more screwed than they were in the past, we're just more open about it.
One must not presume that early marriage etc was/is all negative, though. Some relationships were of course put together by people other than the couple, and they were rushed into in terms of getting married young and for the purposes of family or money, but the fact still remains that values have changed, and not necessarily for the better. Going back just 20 or 30 years ago, marriages were not forced, yet divorce rate has still been on the increase. Likewise, studies into pre-arranged marriages in other cultures have shown that those couples tend to stay together longer, and love each other more (after some years), than those in Western societies.
Again, then, we arrive at the conclusion that maybe we as a society do rush into sex, that if we just took the time to get to know someone, then we'd probably be better off in the long run.
It is true to say that sex and relationships tend to go hand in hand. However, in terms of one influencing the other, I'm inclined to believe this is more to do with individual circumstances than a steadfast rule. It does seem the case that there is some truth in my friend's casual musing but, maybe, we're just looking for too much. Girls today aren't content with just finding a nice guy, we seem to want it all. There's all this pressure on guys to be the perfect man, that prince, or knight in shining armour. In other words, we all want what is impossible for us to have. Maybe if we just accept that people aren't perfect and stop finding so many faults in others, then relationships might also have a better chance of working. Not only did sex come later in past generations, but we were also much more content with what we had, and weren't looking for that perfect prince who was never going to come. Instead of sex being the factor, then, maybe we just need to be more accepting of people and their 'quirks'. We all clearly want too much.
Is there even such thing as love anymore? Or has that been lost in our constant failed attempts at finding 'Mr. Right'? Do we even give love a chance these days, what with our obsession with all those other 'most important' factors? Was there ever such a thing as love? Would we even know what it was if it suddenly came and kicked us in the gut? And, is love really in line with relationships and marriages?
Yes, that was just a long and random series of thoughts around this subject, making me feel way more like Carrie Bradshaw than I'd perhaps like, but it was written as what my friend said really made me think. Of course, today's society is made up of a bunch of deluded idealists, and another bunch of cynical idiots. Let's just find a happy medium and all this would be solved, yes? ---says the cynic. ;-)
